Sick and in Love
So I am sick. I don’t remember the last time I was sick even with a cold but if I had to guess I was still pregnant the last time a little bug crawled into my body causing me to feel like dog poo. Yup. Sore throat, sneezing, coughing, runny nose while also congested and my face is throbbing due to the swelling in my sinuses. I hate being sick. Its not the least bit cute or sexy. Life goes on and I can’t hide inside because my head feels like a balloon and my voice is sketchy to say the least. So of course I came down with this sickness the day after Christmas. I guess I should be counting my lucky stars that I was healthy enough to visit with my family on Christmas but of course this is me we are talking about and when I am sick, there is no looking on the bright side. I didn’t have to work Monday which is a really good thing because that day was the WORST. Not that I have started to feel any better but I am getting used to the being sick and therefore its not as horribly bad as it was the first day. I did however have to work the rest of the week and since I stay home with Jules during the day I am usually at work in the evening to night hours. I really love my new job though. It is a little weird getting used to being back at work but I’ve been pleasantly surprised just how much I am enjoying being around others, helping others and well expressing myself for who I am and not just someones mom or wife. Its nice. I’ve made some friends and connections that I didn’t expect and I cherish that. Finding people to lean on and confide in is rare for me and when I find a friend like that I consider that invaluable. But with all this working at night I am missing Jules bed time and how cute she is when Sam comes home at night and how excited she is to see daddy. There’s nothing like seeing your child’s eyes light up at the mention of your partner walking in the door. I mean I KNOW she loves her daddy and its just tear jerking to hear her squeal and jump and throw her arms up for daddy to pick her up. When I come home shes asleep so I never have experienced this welcome home. In some ways I’m jealous but not jealous of the goodbyes he has to say to her each morning as he leaves for work. So I guess you can’t win them all. I knew I would fall in love with Jules the moment I knew I was pregnant but I never could have imagined loving her more and more each day and that love just gets deeper and stronger and the more it does the more I don’t want to share her.
I mean I have friends and family that have children that are Jules age or younger and they are already pregnant with baby number two. I know everyone is different and not everything is planned but I just can’t imagine giving up this precious one on one time with my baby girl to have another newborn in the house. I mean don’t’ get me wrong I want more kids, just not yet, not soon either. I’m hoping Jules will be 5 or so before we have another child and I don’t care how much other people object to how “wrong” that spacing is. Its my body, my family, my choice you know and Sams too, but I’m SO in love with Jules, and we’re happy as a threesome, we are no where near ready to be four. So aside from being sick right now, even with my broken 46″ flat screen – which I’m still in shock over, I am so in love with so many parts of my life right now that I kinda just want to freeze these moments so I can stay in this happy bubble forever. I know life has all sorts of road bumps and right now I’m in a happy valley and I just want to stay there, even if it does mean cold meds and Puffs plus Lotion tissues.