New Mom and New Wife figuring it out one day at a time…

Hard Decision

A while back after Jules was born I had an IUD placed.  I made the decision quickly because the medical insurance I had covered it and my husbands didn’t. I was going to switch to my husbands shortly after Jules was born so there was a window of opportunity to have the Mirena IUD completely covered. I researched this particular type of birth control and discovered too many pieces of  definite and unsure side effects. Just because some people gained weight while using it didn’t mean I would. Lack of sex drive or moodiness wouldn’t happen to me either. I could deal with anything if it meant for sure I wouldn’t get pregnant again until I wanted to. Well its been seven months and I feel like a completely different version of myself. Some of which is good, other parts I don’t like.  Its subtle changes that are deceiving, things that make me wonder if it really is the hormones from the IUD or if its just adjusting to mommyhood? Is it lack of sleep or too much coffee? Not enough water or protein in my diet? Then I remember I have never had these issues before, and while I KNOW that giving birth changes your body forever, I feel trapped in a shell of a body that isn’t mine anymore. I am carrying around a significant amount of weight that I can not lose. I have tried and dieted and spent hours at the gym and I have not lost a single pound since the IUD was inserted. So here comes my hard decision. To remove the IUD or not? Live in a body that doesn’t feel like me or see what the removal of this contraption brings. I am afraid that removing it will cause my body to think time for another baby. Which by no means does removing it mean that at all. We are NOT, I repeat ARE NOT ready for another baby! While my mind may be at ease knowing that I have NO PERIODS and CAN NOT get pregnant while on this Mirena, I would rather be using condoms and on the low dose pill WITH PERIODS than feel remotely like I do now. Thank god my husband is so supportive. I feel like I am “blaming” not losing weight on the IUD, but then I look at EVERYTHING I have tried and the ONLY thing I can conclude is the IUD. I would take it out myself if I could, but I have an appointment at a NEW ( highly recommended OB by my sister) who takes a more Natural approach, not homeopathic but more Natural, for next Monday. I have hope. Hope for something that resembles my old self. Hope for feelings more confident in myself and if that means dealing with normal periods like a normal woman than God please return me to what you made me to be! I love my daughter. I love being her mother. I would not trade her for anything in the world. I would however trade this IUD experience in for a better method.  At this point I am exploring methods of LOW DOSE or NO HORMONE methods of Birth Control. I know everyone responds to hormones differently but if you have any personal opinions or choices that I should look into over the next week, please feel free to share with me. Email me if you feel that is a better option. So that is what has been bothering me lately. It was always there in the back of my head but as time goes by it feels more like what needs to happen. I am sure that rejoining the ranks of menstral  periods and complains of PMS are part of being a woman, and thats exactly what I don’t feel like anymore. I hope this helps me.

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