New Mom and New Wife figuring it out one day at a time…

Anger

Sometimes I feel like I should just scrap this whole blog thing. I don’t have that much time to get on here and yet I am so glad I have this right now. I am so effing pissed right now. Normally it would be because I haven’t slept well because Jules is waking up at all hours of the night to have a bottle and shes almost 8 months old. Or that my husband is working around the clock to make enough money so that I don’t have to go back to work and have the luxury of staying home with our baby daughter. Buts its not. ITs the sheer IGNORANCE of the lousy ass people from which bore my husband. I like his mom she has nothing to do with this but his dad is a pure a**hole! He has no consideration for anyone! He takes out loans with no intention of paying them back. IT doesn’t matter its not his house. His intelligence had potential before he did tons of drugs throughout his life and settled for a woman who drinks like a fish and behind her back jokes that he is going to kill her for her house! After ten years he married her because he was bored and had nothing to do! Who marries for that reason! The only person in their lives who is pushing foward and making something of himself is his eldest son, my husband. Who I am SO PROUD OF! He worked his way through college and and his dad mocks him for it. I tell Sam its because he is jealous that he didn’t have the guts to get an education himself or ecourage his youngest son to finish highschool. Instead he signed him out! What parent yanks an education out from under their child! What a jerk. I understand he is my husbands father and he loves him for more reasons than I know and I understand that. As a psychology major I understand that but he doesn’t and he wonders why he gets upset when things happen like his dad and brother loose their jobs and then don’t call him for a couple of weeks! There are so many reasons for that I can’t even begin to explain it to him. I will say it is not because they don’t care about him.  I find it arrogant and selfish that feel so embarrassed and jealous that they can’t even pick of the phone to see how their grand daughter/ neice is doing. Yes Sams brother lives in his dads wifes basement. I won’t even go there! At times like these I find it almost impossible to believe that these people are related. I also feel lucky that I found Sam and that I have him in my life. I fear for what could have been for him if I hadn’t met him. I may be full of myself for thinking that, but I don’t care. We are soul mates and lovers and I trust that we were meant to be. It was written in the stars. And if that is the case why does his dad and brother plus extended family have to be such idiots! If somehow they could just be a little less ignorant, racist or even a little less rude, maybe there would be a chance, but drowning yourselves in self pity and trying to bring down your son in front of him and behind his back isn’t love. That is selfish. That is hurtful. Fathers that tell their sons that going to college was a waste of time and money ( when it isn’t true) drive me crazy! Would he rather Sam be like his brother?  A 9th grade dropout who has had numerous run ins with the law and is currently jobless? Or a college graduate living with his wife and baby daughter in a successful career! Hmmmm Crazy old man. If I wasn’t so polite and nice in your presence I would sucker punch you!

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