New Mom and New Wife figuring it out one day at a time…

I feel like A FRAUD

Okay so I sit here and read these GREAT BLOGS about all these people who 99% of them I don’t know and its like reading a good book because the blogs never end. I wake up and when my newborn ( 8weeksold) isn’t tolling on me I read up on the new posts on the blogs that I have started to follow in the last ten weeks. Each time I see that there is a new post up my heart flutters like I just realized there  is an additional chapter to the book I haven’t been able to put down. It may not be heartwrentching “the Notebook” type blog posts but all in all it is to me. So after starting to read all of your blogs I decided since I love to write, I joined Twitter and hey I am going to write a blog. …pausing to pacify my baby….ok im back. Yea so I am going to write a blog. I asked Twitter if I should write a blog and the few people who I know and actually respond to me on Twitter encouraged me to do so, being a new mom and all. Its not anywhere near instant gratification. I still feel alone on the internet, like I am calling out into the vast internet web space and I hear my echo again and again. Is anyone reading this, does anyone see my tweets? Yes there are the few of you that respond to me but I feel like a fraud. I see those people who are blogging away and winning awards or prizes and even going to Blogher, which I think I may have just figured out what it was after it was all over. Oh well. People seem to have their own little posse on the web here. Almost like a highschool clique. Hmmmm paranoid much…. I want to respond to more, I do leave comments but I guess it takes time. I mean I would much rather be holding my beautiful baby rather than be making friends on Twitter but I dont have anything to complain about other than sleep deprivation and not having a job right now. My daughter is perfect, No health issues, shes breastfeeding fine, no diarrhea no vomit and I know I am a lucky mom. I wouldn’t trade her for anything but I wonder what I need to say or do in order to click with someone, to find a friend who wakes up in the morning and wonders what I, on the other side of twitterverse, am doing or how many times Jules woke me up last night. I’ve never had that many close friends and having a baby at 26 didn’t help that, I just wish that for once in my life I could just make something work smoothly. I guess with all good things, it will take time and maybe after awhile of blogging and twittering I won’t feel like such a fraud.

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11 responses

  1. This is going to come across as harsh, but this really touched a nerve.

    I would give anything, ANYTHING, to have a kid who wasn’t sick all the time. I would give up all my twitter friends, give up my trip to BlogHer’10 to go a month with no doctor’s or specialist. I would delete my twitter account in exchange for never being puked on at 2am again.

    Is that why you think some of us have a ‘posse’? Is because our kids are sick? True, some of us have been there to support each other with medical information and doctors lore. But I have more people that I chat with on a regular basis who’s kids are healthy.

    You don’t create a twitter account or blog and magically get friends. It takes time and a lot of effort. It also takes a lot of putting yourself out there. There are many people who’s tweets I comment on who don’t comment back. But if you keep putting yourself out there you eventually build a relationship with people. Those are the people who will inquire how you and your baby are every morning. Those are the people who will faithfully read your blog and comment on every last post.

    In order to click with someone you need to figure out what you have in common with them. Sick kids are not the only thing we bond over on twitter.

    August 3, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    • Well said, Jenn. While I consider you and Nic to be my “closest” friends on twitter, we didn’t start out that way because of our kids. We did grow closer, however, when I was seeking help on how to deal with Chloe and her issues.

      While it may seem to an “outsider” that a clique has formed b/c of unfortunate health issues, I can say without a doubt that that is entirely false. Actually, most of the people I have gotten to know online have healthy kids. Some of them don’t even HAVE kids!!!

      What brings us together is the desire for a support system…to know that somebody out there “gets it”, whatever IT may be.

      But for somebody to get it, you have to put yourself out there. And yes, as Jenn said, it does take time…but mostly it takes effort, just like a “real” friendship.

      August 4, 2009 at 3:40 pm

  2. I’m reading!!!! what’s your twitter?

    p.s. you have a beautiful baby w/ the sweetest name

    August 3, 2009 at 10:15 pm

  3. fraud, you are NOT…. true and honest mother, you ARE.

    August 4, 2009 at 11:02 am

    • ANewMomtoJuliette

      Thanks Nic!! Your encouragement is much appreciated!!

      August 4, 2009 at 11:49 am

  4. i know what you mean about cliques with bloggers…i don’t feel like i’m a part of any blogging clique. i’m gonna go follow you on twitter now!

    August 4, 2009 at 11:27 am

    • ANewMomtoJuliette

      aww thanks I’m so happy you understood my post!!! Looking forward to tweeting with you!!

      August 4, 2009 at 11:48 am

  5. um what is your twitter? lol

    August 4, 2009 at 11:29 am

    • ANewMomtoJuliette

      KSegIII

      August 4, 2009 at 11:46 am

  6. got it. and also, there seems to be blogging cliques BUT they’re all super nice girls…i’ve noticed anyway. i have lots of blogging friends and princess jenn is right..you have to put yourself out there to make friends…esp when it comes to blogging and tweeting.

    August 4, 2009 at 12:41 pm

  7. kateemarie

    I admire you for stating exactly how you feel! I’ve certainly felt kind of alone in some of the internet stuff out there and it can be a bit intimidating putting yourself out there with something as personal as a blog or on Twitter. I can understand wishing you had some sort of network of support but not exactly admiring the circumstances that may have put people there. It;s not necessarily about that. It’s a shame you received such backlash for trying to put yourself out there this time, but don’t let it discourage you! Eventually you’ll find your niche! =) Keep writing, I enjoying reading!

    August 4, 2009 at 6:13 pm

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