I feel like A FRAUD
Okay so I sit here and read these GREAT BLOGS about all these people who 99% of them I don’t know and its like reading a good book because the blogs never end. I wake up and when my newborn ( 8weeksold) isn’t tolling on me I read up on the new posts on the blogs that I have started to follow in the last ten weeks. Each time I see that there is a new post up my heart flutters like I just realized there is an additional chapter to the book I haven’t been able to put down. It may not be heartwrentching “the Notebook” type blog posts but all in all it is to me. So after starting to read all of your blogs I decided since I love to write, I joined Twitter and hey I am going to write a blog. …pausing to pacify my baby….ok im back. Yea so I am going to write a blog. I asked Twitter if I should write a blog and the few people who I know and actually respond to me on Twitter encouraged me to do so, being a new mom and all. Its not anywhere near instant gratification. I still feel alone on the internet, like I am calling out into the vast internet web space and I hear my echo again and again. Is anyone reading this, does anyone see my tweets? Yes there are the few of you that respond to me but I feel like a fraud. I see those people who are blogging away and winning awards or prizes and even going to Blogher, which I think I may have just figured out what it was after it was all over. Oh well. People seem to have their own little posse on the web here. Almost like a highschool clique. Hmmmm paranoid much…. I want to respond to more, I do leave comments but I guess it takes time. I mean I would much rather be holding my beautiful baby rather than be making friends on Twitter but I dont have anything to complain about other than sleep deprivation and not having a job right now. My daughter is perfect, No health issues, shes breastfeeding fine, no diarrhea no vomit and I know I am a lucky mom. I wouldn’t trade her for anything but I wonder what I need to say or do in order to click with someone, to find a friend who wakes up in the morning and wonders what I, on the other side of twitterverse, am doing or how many times Jules woke me up last night. I’ve never had that many close friends and having a baby at 26 didn’t help that, I just wish that for once in my life I could just make something work smoothly. I guess with all good things, it will take time and maybe after awhile of blogging and twittering I won’t feel like such a fraud.